Our twenties – when we are biologically at our most fertile – are often about something entirely different. We are likely hitting the books at university, testing our wings in our first jobs, renting apartments, seeing the world, and trying to figure out who we really are. At such times, the idea of having children often feels distant, or it is simply "not the right time yet."
After all, studying, building a career, finding a partner, and establishing existential security require a great deal of time and energy – and these natural, understandable stages of life coincide almost exactly with our most ideal biological window. This is particularly challenging for women, as career building and having children often conflict in terms of timing. And while we try to fulfill every role – to be independent, educated, financially stable, a loving partner, and an expectant mother – our bodies follow their own rhythm.
What should you know about timing?
While in our twenties, one in four healthy women will become pregnant during a single cycle; by our forties, this ratio drops to one in ten. The end of the reproductive age for most women is between 41 and 45; after this, conception is very rarely possible, especially with one’s own eggs.
Public discourse and the media, however, often convey a different image. We hear more and more about celebrities over forty who are expecting a baby – often their first. However, these stories rarely show the reality behind the scenes: the years of trying, the series of IVF treatments, surgeries, or the fact that donor eggs, a surrogate, or adoption made the pregnancy possible. This phenomenon – even subconsciously – can create a false sense of security. It suggests that having children is possible at any time, while biology is much stricter than that.
That is precisely why it is important to see our options realistically – and to talk about them in time.
In terms of spontaneous conception, not only age but also timing is crucial.
In a female cycle, only a few days actually count as the fertile period – this is what we call the fertility window. This is the period when the meeting of the sperm and the egg is likely. Sperm are viable in the female body for 3–5 days, but the egg can only be fertilized for 12–24 hours.
Many people think that frequent intercourse during fertile days can reduce the chances. Yet, research shows that couples who have regular, even daily, intercourse during the fertile period have a much higher chance of conception than those who only try occasionally. According to the literature, it is ideal to have intercourse every 1–2 days during this period.
Is it only a woman's problem?
A deeply rooted misconception still persists in the public consciousness that if the baby doesn't come, "the problem is likely with the woman." It is a reflex that spans generations – many women immediately start blaming themselves, while in 30–50% of infertility cases, there is (also) a male factor involved.
Although male fertility is less time-bound than a woman's, it is not unchanging. After age 35, testosterone levels gradually decrease, and sperm quality and DNA integrity also deteriorate – which affects not only the chances of conception but also the health of the child to be born. An unhealthy lifestyle – particularly obesity, smoking, alcohol, or a sedentary lifestyle – also has a negative impact on male fertility.
Moreover, domestic and international experience shows that men tend to avoid topics related to infertility. Fertility is often not treated as a shared matter, even though the first step to a solution could be facing the issue together.
